


Bitter Tension

by IGuessImWritingFanficNow



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: (sorry i know i hate it too, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, F/M, I'm Bad At Summaries, Pregnancy, all hurt very little comfort, also fuck smeyer, everyones sad and angry, i wrote this listening to a spotify playlist called 'angsty fanfic time' so strap in, the cullens all hate each other, this is a carlesme fic i promise i just enjoy putting them through pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:21:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28364580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IGuessImWritingFanficNow/pseuds/IGuessImWritingFanficNow
Summary: I'm utterly obsessed with the effects that Bella getting pregnant had on the Cullens. Like, smeyer had such a golden opportunity to explore the Cullen family dynamics but like, didn't. So fuck it,  I guess I gotta do everything myself around here.Carlisle and Esme are going through one of the worst arguments of their marriage, both seeing Bella's pregnancy from different perspectives. They're at a crossroads, opposing sides with no middle ground. They both have different perspectives on Bella and her pregnancy and both have reasons for their opinions. Esme is reeling from the memories of having and losing her only son, Carlisle is thinking about his own experience with pregnancy and death. And to top it all off, he's utterly terrified, because no matter what he does, someone is going to hate him, and he can't bear the thought of being alone again
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	Bitter Tension

**Author's Note:**

> The layout of the Cullen house gives me headaches so go crazy and work it out for yourself lol
> 
> Also, every time I have to write ‘unborn child’ or ‘Bella’s baby’ I throw up in my mouth a bit. Renesmee is the worst thing to happen in canon ok?

They arrived at SEA-TAC airport early in the morning, the exact time Bella wasn’t sure of. Edward walked in utter silence next to her. He hasn’t said a word since they had left Isle Esme, speaking only to the airport and boarding staff. It was a jarring contrast to their flight only two weeks ago, full of laughter and kisses.

Carlisle and Rosalie were waiting for them at the arrivals gate, Rosalie standing a foot away from Carlisle, her jaw firm and arms crossed tightly, looking like a vengeful goddess straight out of Greek mythology. Carlisle’s normally perfectly styled hair was dishevelled and unkempt, most likely a result of running his hand through it one too many times. They were both utterly motionless, any attempt at blending in forgotten. In that moment Bella thought they had never looked more like statues.

As soon as they noticed them, Rosalie pushed ahead of Carlisle, running straight towards Bella, Carlisle following at a slightly more reasonable pace for a human

“Why is she here? Where’s Esme?” Hearing Edwards voice was jarring.

“ _She_ has a name, and I’m here because Bella wanted me here”

“What are you talking about?”

Bella’s eyes began to prick with tears as Carlisle’s eyes darted between Edward and Rosalie before landing on her, assessing her.

“Bella called me because she _obviously_ didn’t feel safe or trust you with her child!”

“Trust me? I’m her husband!”

“And your _obviously_ doing an excellent job at it”

“Maybe we should take this back to the car?” Carlisle said quietly, motioning to the crowd of discrete onlookers. “Rosalie, go get Edward and Bella’s luggage whilst we-“

“And leave her alone with you two? I think not!”

“What do you think we’re going to do? Cut her open in the back of the car and –“

Bella let out a small whimper and Carlisle’s jaw clenched, turning to face Edward.

“Edward” Carlisle’s voice was quiet and almost dangerous sounding. “To the car. Now.”

Rosalie went to make a comment before Carlisle interrupted her

“You too Rosalie”

Rosalie stared defiantly at him. “Try anything and I will hurt you” She gave Bella one last reassuring look before storming in the same direction as Edward.

***

The car journey from the airport was unbearable. Carlisle and Edward sat in the front, quite clearly having a silent conversation through Edward’s telepathy, and Rosalie sitting in the back next to Bella. Rosalie’s gaze switched between staring daggers at Carlisle and Edward’s headrests with such an intensity Bella was surprised there weren’t holes in the leather. The car was silent for the entire three hour journey, the focus all on Bella, and all she wanted to do was sink into her seat.

Eventually Carlisle pulled into the Cullen’s long driveway, the warm glow of the house appearing through the treeline. Any relief that Bella felt getting out of the car was completely erased as soon as she stepped into the Cullen’s lounge.

It looked reminiscent of a battlefield. Alice and Jasper sharing a sofa near the TV, Emmett at the other side of the room, leaning on the window and staring into space. Esme was by the island counter, chopping up carrots Bella could only describe as aggressively

Rosalie immediately flitted to Emmett’s side, turning to look out the window, and Esme set down the knife and walked towards Bella, leading her to the armchair, Carlisle and Esme acting as if the other wasn’t there. The room was silent for the next five minutes, everyone sitting in silence, pointedly ignoring each other and the obvious elephant in the room.

Carlisle was the first to break the silence.

“Bella, would you and Edward like to follow me so we can discuss –“

Rosalie moved from the window to face him “What is there to discuss? Bella’s made her choice”

“I just feel that it would be best for Bella to know all her options before making any official decisions”

“Options” Rosalie scoffed. “Like you care about giving her options. I bet you and Edward have already planned how you’re going to drug her and rip her child away from her before she even wakes up!”

“Rose, be reasonable”

“Reasonable? I’m the only one seeing reason here! Bella has made a decision, we should accept it and move on”

Carlisle went to open his mouth to reply, but Edward beat him to it.

“A choice? Bella doesn’t know what she’s choosing. She’s scared and she’s confused. The last thing that Bella needs is Iago over here pushing her in one direction and subtly making all her decisions for her!”

“I am doing no such thing! I’m only listening to her Edward! Maybe _you_ should try that once in a while?”

Edward’s jaw somehow clenched even tighter, and his hands started to shake. “Listening…the only reason your remotely interested in what Bella has to say is because you know can make this benefit yourself!”

“Keep talking Edward Cullen. I dare you. See what happens” Rosalie’s voice was cold and emotionless.

“You don’t care about Bella in the slightest Rosalie. You hope that this thing kills Bella, and then you can swoop in and have the baby that you’ve always wanted!”

“How _dare_ you! You little –“

“Uncalled for man” Emmett moved to stand next to Rosalie

“Shut up and pull yourself out of Rosalie’s ass for once Emmett”

Esme set her knife down again, less gently this time. “Let’s all calm down –“

“Oh don’t put on the pacifist act now, Esme. We know exactly how you feel about all this! We all heard the screaming match between you and Doctor Heartless!”

Esme’s face went cold, Carlisle flinched, and Bella shuddered.

Esme moved from behind the counter and smoothed out her skirt before turning to face Rosalie. “Any discussions that Carlisle and I have had prior to this moment are neither here nor there, and I would appreciate it if you refrained from bringing my marriage into question in an attempt to get me to take your side”

“Don’t pretend that none of this bothers you Esme, how did you describe it again? ‘unnecessary cruel and callous’? Or was it ‘despicable’?”

Alice gasped, “Rosalie, stop”

Rosalie ignored Alice’s warning, too caught up in her own rage and continued.

“Oh wait! How could I forget!” Rosalie put on a crude impression of Esme. “ _It sickens me that my own husband could even think of forcing such cruelty on Bella when he knows everything that I have endured_!”

The room fell utterly silent. Bella too afraid to even breathe in case she somehow drew attention to herself and brought either Rosalie or Esme’s rage down on herself.

Esme was deadly calm when she finally spoke, all of her regular warmth completely vanished from both her features and her voice.

“I am choosing, Rosalie, to believe that you have let your anger get the better of you in this situation, and that is why you felt that was in any way acceptable” Esme was growing angrier by the second.

“My argument with Carlisle is absolutely _nobody’s_ business but ours, and you have absolutely no right bringing it in this situation. How _dare_ you use my own words against me under these circumstances, _especially_ when you know the meaning behind them so intimately. And that is all I wish to say on this matter right now.” Esme gave Rosalie and Carlisle one final glare before leaving the room and walking up the stairs to their bedroom.

Carlisle looked torn between following after Esme and giving her time to cool off.

Edward turned to Rosalie “How dare you speak to Esme like that”

Jasper chimed in for the first time that night “Leave it Edward, she feels bad enough as it is”

“She does? I didn’t think that Rosalie had the capacity to think about anyone else than herself”

“Drop it Edward! You need to calm down, the both of you do!” Alice stood from the chair she shared with Jasper to face Edward.

“What exactly _have_ you contributed to this situation Alice? Care to enlighten us? Give us your _oh-so important_ opinion instead of sitting on the side-lines feeling sorry for yourself?”

“Edward, I told you I can’t see anything” Alice moved closer to Edward, and as if on instinct, Jasper mirrored her, ever ready to jump to Alice’s defence. Both verbally and physically

“Then _try harder_!”

“I’m not the issue here Edward! I can’t see anything past the foetus”

“All the more reason to get rid of it!”

“You selfish pig!” Rosalie was shouting again too now. “It’s not up to you!”

“It’s not up to you either! The only reason Bella wants to keep the godforsaken thing is because of you!”

“I have done no such thing!“

“You filled her head with images of a perfect little baby as if in reality this thing wont rip her apart from the inside. We don’t even know –“

“ENOUGH!”

Everyone froze, turning to face Carlisle.

“Enough the both of you! I refuse to stand by and watch the two of you tear each other to pieces, and to be quite honest that is the only way I see this situation ending.”

Bella had never seen Carlisle as dangerous before, or even scary. His gentle manner and soft appearance made it difficult to recognise that he was the same kind as Victoria, the Volturi, or even the other Cullen’s sometimes. But right now, seeing his unrestrained fury, jaw firmly set and eyes jet black in anger, she truly saw a vampire for the first time.

“For two people claiming to care so deeply about what Bella wants, I find it _exceptionally surprising_ that neither of thee have even _considered_ asking her! The both of you need to step back and calm down. I want both of you out the room and I don’t want to see _either_ of you until you can have a calm and rational conversation about this, understood?”

“And leave you with Bella? Not a chance!”

“Rosalie will you –“

“For _Christ’s sake_ Edward that was not an invitation to jump to mine own defence!

“Rosalie was being –”

“Son, quit whilst your ahead.”

Emmett placed his hands gently on Rosalie’s shoulders, kissing her neck softly and leading her out the house, Edward storming out not a moment after, disappearing in the opposite direction to Rosalie and Emmett.

Carlisle closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing deeply.

After a moment, he opened his eyes and turned to her. Looking at him properly for the first time since meeting him at the airport, Bella thought that Carlisle looked as exhausted as she felt.

“I think it might be best to wait until the morning to continue this, when everyone’s nerves are a little less fried” Carlisle sighed again. “I’m sorry you had to see that”

“It’s fine”

“Get some sleep” he smiled weakly. “Doctors orders”

He left the room, walking towards his study, and closing the door with a faint click as he locked it behind him

***

Waking up the next morning, Bella half expected to still be in their bed on Isle Esme, sun shining through the curtains and the sound of the distant ocean. She would turn to Edward and tell him about her odd dream before the two would roll under the covers together and continue their honeymoon.

Instead, Bella woke up in Edward’s cold bed, alone and miserable.

The silence was ended abruptly, as Alice pushed open the door holding a tray of food and placing it by the bed.

“I saw you waking up”

“Is Edward back yet?

“He got back early this morning but didn’t stay long” Alice grimaced. “Honestly, Bella, I’m surprised you managed to sleep through it all”

“That bad?”

“Uh huh. Whole Family affair”

“What happened?”

“Edward came home, started yelling at Carlisle for not warning him that this could happen, Carlisle snapped and started yelling back, Esme stepped in to try and calm them both down and that’s when things got really ugly. Esme and Carlisle picked up where they left off yesterday morning, whilst Rose started having a go at Edward. Em got involved after Edward threatened Rose, and then Edward and Rosalie turned on Jazz for trying to calm everyone down. That’s when I carried you upstairs and put you here”

“oh…”

“Edward ended up running off again, Em and Rose went upstairs, Carlisle and Esme left presumably to shout at each other more in private, and Jazz is up in our room. It’s been quiet since about half five, but I wouldn’t hold your breath”

And Alice’s prediction, as always, was spot on. The Cullen household had descended into open warfare, arguments erupting at the drop of the hat for the next two days. Sometimes literally.

The talk in Edwards room that morning was the last that Bella saw of Alice. She mainly stayed in her room or out hunting with Jasper, complaining of headaches whenever she was too close to Bella, or more accurately _‘the foetus’_ , although at the rate he was growing, he couldn’t really be called that anymore. Jasper was spending as little time as he could in the house, desperately trying to avoid the awful mood of the Cullen house.

Rosalie was glued to Bella’s side, glaring at anyone who attempted to approach her, and Edward just for existing. Rosalie staying close meant that Emmett was also constantly in the room, especially when Edward was near Rosalie, their usual brotherly comradery replaced with distrust and anger.

Alice and Rosalie’s easy friendship was gone too. Alice’s worry for Bella and anger over being rendered utterly useless by her unborn child manifested in a hatred towards him. Less extreme as Edward, but a hatred none the less. Rosalie felt betrayed by Alice, and the two simply avoided each other

Worst of all however, were Carlisle and Esme. Normally, the two acted as the voice of reason, talking to those involved, forcing them to see reason and come to an agreement or compromise, but without them everything seemed to fall into chaos. Esme was snappy, irritated by the smallest things and started taking it out on the food in the house, feeding Bella constant snacks that she was too afraid to turn down. Carlisle on the other hand was utterly miserable. He barely left his office, and when he did it was only to briefly check how she was doing before returning. Bella wasn’t sure when she last saw him leave to hunt.

And she hadn’t seen Edward since he left the first night.

Bella watched as the entire family’s relationships crumbled, the usual warmth and chaos of the house gone completely, with her at the centre of it all. She only realised just how true this was walking past Carlisle’s office that morning.

She had woken up with a pounding headache, and was walking to Carlisle’s office for painkillers, when she heard raised voices from behind the slightly ajar door.

“Esme.” Carlisle’s voice was muffled, as if he had his head in his hands. “It was one coat. On the back of a chair”

Both were obviously too caught up in their argument to notice her scent, or hear her heartbeat or breathing, so Bella moved closer.

“Which I then had to pick up!” Esme interjected

“Carlisle really, it’s not like I’m asking you to rearrange the whole damn wardrobe” Esme’s tone was bitter and cold.

“Surely that doesn’t warrant all this!” Carlisle’s voice softened slightly, sounding more tired than angry. “What’s this really about Esme”

Esme scoffed “What are you talking about”

“You don’t say a word to me for nearly three days, barely look at me even, and now you’re in here shouting at me over a coat? Where is this all coming from?”

Silence.

“Es”

Esme finally replied in a small voice, barely audible through the slightly open door. “It’s me”

“What?”

“It’s me, Carlisle” Esme’s voice was louder this time. “Carlisle, you can have a child. You can have a family. It’s my fault, I’m the problem

Carlisle groaned sadly “Es…no”

“Yes! Carlisle, this is what you want. You’ve told me more times than I can count, _‘I’d do anything for a child._ Now you don’t need to do anything, all you need is a woman that piques your fancy to come along and –“

“Do you truly believe that our marriage has that little value to me?” This time it was Carlisle who was almost inaudible, voice filled with hurt

“No, Carlisle. It’s just, I know you. You’re a scientist. Every discovery you’ve ever made about what we are, you’ve gotten curious. You’ve had to try it for yourself, experiment. I –“

“Esme this is completely different, and you know it!” Carlisle’s voice was incredulous now

“Is it really, Carlisle? Can you truly look me in the eyes and tell me that there wouldn’t be a tiny part of you –“

“No! Not at all! Esme I would do anything for a child _with you!_ Only with you!”

“Esme, I would never even _consider_ touching a woman that isn’t you, never mind impregnating one. And frankly I’m hurt that you think I ever could” Carlisle paused and took a shaky breath before continuing. “We already have a child Love. Five of them, six now. They may be lacking in the biological department but if having you in my life means that I have to sacrifice that, then I will happily make that sacrifice. I will make that sacrifice every day for the rest of my life. You’re all I need”

The room fell silent again.

“Esme, I love you. More than I can put into words, and I would be happy to prove that to you any time you would like” Bella grimaced. “If I have ever done anything to make you doubt that _please_ tell me so I can fix it”

“You haven’t. Of course you haven’t, I – I just…this is all too much” Esme sounded exhausted now. “I need time”

“Of course love, we can –“

“No Carlisle” Esme seemed to find strength again “I need time. On my own”

“Oh”

That one tiny syllable from Carlisle, barely noticeable, was filled with so much hurt, confusion and fear. Esme must have picked up on that, her footsteps moved slowly towards Carlisle.

“I love you Carlisle. I’m just furious at you right now”

“Es, I explained –“

“Not that. This whole situation...Bella.”

Bella froze, thinking she’d been caught

“Darling we’ve spoken about this. At length. Loudly”

“I know, I just…can’t understand why”

There was a sound of creaking wood as Carlisle sat on the edge of his desk.

Carlisle sighed. “So we’re at a crossroads then”

“We are”

The room fell silent for a moment, neither having anything else to say.

“I’ll be in my studio”

“Of course”

As Esme began to move towards the door, Bella scrambled quickly back to Edwards bedroom and pretended to be asleep, hoping that they were both still too preoccupied to notice her scent lingering by the door. She heard Esme walk past Edwards room, and pop her head through the door, checking to see if she was still asleep. A cool hand brushed over her forehead before drawing away.

As Esme’s footsteps faded down the hall, Bella curled up and let out a small sniff, tears falling and landing on the pillow, guilt consuming her.

***

Bella was exhausted. From the jetlag, the stress of the past five days, and her rapidly advancing pregnancy, she barely had the energy to do anything other than sleep. Sick of having to walk up and down the stairs to reach Carlisle’s office for his endless check-ups, Rosalie and Emmett had moved her to the living room couch. Esme had provided her with pillows and blankets, as well as hot water bottles and endless snacks in the vain hope of finding something that Bella could keep down.

She had woken up that morning and nausea had hit her like a truck. Carlisle had given her as many anti-nausea tablets as possible but much like everything else, they were brought back up pretty quickly.

“Here, try this sweetheart” Esme re-entered the room with a bowl of crackers and a glass of dark liquid. “plain foods were one of the only things I could keep down when I had really bad morning sickness, and flat cola is good for settling the stomach”

She put the bowl on the end table before reaching up and placing a cool hand on Bella’s forehead.

“I don’t know how he does this” she muttered softly, shaking her head before sighing and moving to sit on the armchair opposite Bella. “You feel slightly warm, but then again you always do to me”

Bella laughed weakly and thanked Esme before sitting up and reaching for the crackers. They were bland and extremely dry, but for the first time that morning, Bella didn’t feel the tell-tale churning that followed every other meal that day.

“If you can keep this down, then maybe we can move on to something more substantial…maybe chicken broth?” Esme smiled at her before she straightened up in her seat and turning to face the open door, expression turning into a hard stare. Bella shuddered, not used to seeing such a harsh look on Esme’s normally warm face.

Carlisle came towards the two of them, carrying a box of pills.

“What are they for?” Esme’s voice was harsh and defensive. Standing and placing herself between Bella and Carlisle.

Carlisle sighed. “They’re pills. For the nausea.”

“I thought you already gave her some this morning”

“Pills work best on a fuller stomach and she seems to be able to handle the food you gave her .If she can keep that down, we might as well try again”

Esme glared at Carlisle before stepping aside, seemingly giving him permission to approach. After three days of this, Bella was used to people talking about her as if she weren’t in the room.

“Alright Bella” he placed the back of his hand on her forehead before moving to both her cheeks and frowning slightly. “How are you feeling?”

“Better, maybe. I’m still kinda cold, and I feel really tired, but it’s not as bad as I felt this morning”

“Good…that’s good. Would you like to try the anti-nausea tablets again?”

Bella nodded.

He took a pill out of a tub before handing it to Bella and crouching down next to her.

Bella looked at Carlisle and Esme. Neither were looking at each other, sitting at almost opposite ends of the room and not saying a word. There were no casual touches, or wordless conversations. It was as if the invisible string between them that seemed to make them gravitate towards one another had been cut. Knowing that she was at the root of their tension made Bella feel sick. Or maybe it was the crackers. No, it was definitely the crackers.

Panicked, she tried to reach for the basin, but it was too far from where she was sitting. Instead, she turned to alert Carlisle, but the nausea washed over her too quickly and she instead covered the front of Carlisle’s jumper.

Carlisle’s face quickly went from shock to concern, reaching for the basin that had been left at the opposite end of the couch and sat next to Bella, rubbing her back whilst she brought up the remainder of the crackers.

Bella lifted her head and was immediately met with Esme’s concerned face. She was crouched by the edge of her couch, a hand placed gently on her knee.

“All done?”

Bella nodded, and felt tears begin to prick her eyes.

“Carlisle I – “

“No need Bella. It’s not your fault”

“I know but still – “

“Believe me Bella” he gave her a warm smile. “I’ve been covered in much worse”

“Well, you kept it down for much longer this time, so we must be on the right track” Esme mused before standing. “I’ll fetch you a shirt”

“No its fine. I’ll get one, you – “

“I wasn’t talking to you”

Carlisle’s mouth closed, looking mildly embarrassed and hurt at the same time before picking up the basin and walking to the nearest bathroom.

Bella shrunk into the couch, hating to see the two people she almost regarded as parents fight with such intensity. In the years she had known Edward, she doesn’t think she’s ever seen them reach the point of being openly hostile towards each other. Yes, there had been the odd bicker, a few disagreements, and hushed quarrels and that ended as Bella entered the room, but this was entirely new

***

After a week, word got to Jacob that her and Edward had returned from their honeymoon. He was at the Cullen’s door almost instantly, banging on their door and asking to see her. Jacob was expecting to see a monster, or worse a corpse. He was not expecting however, to see Bella, curled up on the Cullen’s couch under her mothers’ blanket, well into her first trimester.

With the arrival of Jacob, and eventually Seth and Leah, an unspoken truce was called between Carlisle and Esme. With the potential for war looming, they had temporarily put aside their differences. Despite being on more cordial terms, things had in no way gone back to normal with them. Conversations were tense, and as short as they needed to be before the two went back to their separate sides of the household.

Tensions between the rest of the Cullen’s had in no way improved either. With hunting out of the picture, there was nowhere to escape the conflict. Tempers were short, and tensions were high. With Jacob around, Rosalie now never left Bella’s side, meaning Emmett was even closer, and Edward, now forced to remain in the house stuck close to Carlisle, assisting with research, Alice and Jasper helping before vanishing to either their bedroom or the attic.

It was one of the nights that Esme had forced everyone out of the living room, claiming that the constant bickering and snide comments was putting unnecessary stress on Bella that their temporary truce was broken.

Bella had been drifting in and out of consciousness for hours, sleep not coming easy to her. Lying on the couch, eyes closed, she heard the door open before softly being shut.

Hearing the rustling of clothes, she cracked her eyes open the slightest amount, keeping her breathing as steady as possible.

Carlisle had taken off the cardigan he was wearing and had placed it around Esme’s shoulders.

“I don’t get cold, Carlisle”

“Humour me?”

A small smile appeared on Esme’s face, hidden from Carlisle’s view.

“How is she doing?”

“She’s been in and out all day. I kicked the others out, I don’t know how she was managing to sleep with them all gathered round her…it looked like the birth of Christ”

Carlisle laughed softly, Esme turning her head slightly and smiling at the sound. Bella felt her eyes closing again, struggling to keep them open as exhaustion took over.

“She’s getting worse”

“Carlisle we don’t know –“

“Esme please. She’s getting weaker by the day”

“Bella thinks she’s strong enough, and I believe her”

“Esme the foetus could kill her. Its already killing her. I can’t sit by doing nothing whilst it sucks away at her life”

“Do I need to remind you of your occupation, _Doctor_ Cullen”

“Esme this is nothing like a regular pregnancy, we don’t even know what species it is”

“At least try!”

Their voices were getting more aggressive but remained in hushed tones.

“I can’t understand why you believe it’s the only option”

“Esme, if this were a normal pregnancy it _would_ be the only option!”

“you just said yourself this isn’t a normal pregnancy! There is a chance Carlisle!”

“A chance. Are you really willing to risk her life on a chance?”

“I would have”

Esme took a steadying breath.

“When I lost Joseph…I would have taken any chance, no matter the risk if it meant he lived. You know better than anyone what losing him did to me. How could you force Bella to go through the same?”

“If… _if_ Bella’s child is born, think about the kind of life you would be giving them”

“A _life_ , Carlisle”

“Yes, but…” Carlisle sighed. “Never mind”

“What?”

“You don’t understand”

“Oh, _I_ don’t understand”

“No, you don’t” Carlisle’s voice was harsher now. “You may know how it feels to lose a son, but I know how it feels to lose a mother. I know how it feels to grow up knowing that you are the reason that she isn’t here and hating yourself every single day for it. Having a father that can’t bear to look at you because you look too much like her. To have every person that is supposed to love you look at you and wonder why it couldn’t have been me that died instead.”

Carlisle moved to crouch by Esme

“I know you Es…I know how much this hurts you. You can’t imagine why I would force someone to give up their child when you didn’t get a chance with yours. I know that. But please. Think about the life you are choosing for that baby”

Carlisle stood and moved to the window, and the silence that had hung over the two of them for the past two weeks returned.

“Why does every conversation we have end like this?”

Carlisle sighed. “I don’t know”

“What happened to us?” Esme’s voice was smaller now.

Carlisle’s voice matched Esme’s. “I don’t know”

The living room door opened and closed again, and Esme’s soft sobs filled the room.

***

The slow, unending pace came to an end, and everything started to move all at once. Edward’s position completely reversed. Instead of being utterly hopeless and despondent, hating the very existence of their child, he saw him for what he was. A miracle. A little part of both of them. Those few days were bliss, the two would curl up on the sofa, listening to their little nudger’s thoughts, talking to him, singing to him.

Esme and Rosalie barely left her side, the four of them beaming over discussions of names, outfits, and gifts. Even Alice managed to come round slightly, discovering that Jacob lessened the headache that her little guy caused her.

Bella felt rejuvenated, having Edward by her side filling her with new strength. Carlisle’s check-ups indicated that they were approaching a safe timeframe to induce labour. A plan was put in place. Bella would be put under sedation, and Carlisle would perform a C-Section with Rose’s help, allowing Edward to change her last minute, saving the two of them.

The tension that had hung over the house for the past two weeks had begun to lift, the normal atmosphere of the household beginning to return. Carlisle and Esme’s relationship had begun to improve as well. Bitter arguments turned into soft disagreements and occurred less and less frequently.

Esme was in the kitchen, preparing food for Leah, Seth, and Jacob. Bella, on the couch a few feet away from her, Jacob Rosalie, and Edward in their usual positions when Carlisle came in for the final few check-ups before he would leave with Emmett and Esme

“Told you so” Esme continued to chop veg, the sly smile on her face the only indication that she had said anything.

Carlisle looked at her fondly, a small smile appearing on his face before laughing and shaking his head as he left the room.

From the couch, Bella watched as Edward and Rosalie make discrete eye contact and smile at each other, relief clear on their faces. Bella slept soundly for the first time in a while.

***

Esme had never known so much terror. She almost lost her life, her husband, and her family all in the space of a couple of hours. Hours after escaping the wolves, Emmett chasing them off her and Carlisle dragging her to safety, Alice called Carlisle, Bella had gone into labour, and they were hours away. Running back, arriving just in time for another fight to break out. Jacob imprinting, Bella transforming and then waking up, Renesmee growing and Charlie’s visit, she barely had a moment to breathe in two days.

Which is why, after all that terror and stress, it made no sense that making that familiar walk down the hall towards Carlisle’s office still filled her with nerves.

Their relationship hadn’t been the easiest for nearing three weeks now, and even with all the madness over, there was still a distance between them. They hadn’t had the chance to talk, to truly put it all behind them.

She took a deep breath when she reached his door, before knocking. It was silly, married for nearly ninety years and she still felt the need to knock, but it was a habit from their early days together that she couldn’t quite bring herself to break.

“Come in”

Opening the door, she felt a rush of affection. Carlisle always looked so small at his desk, hunched over a pile of papers, hair slightly ruffled from his hands running through it – a habit he never lost from his days of a human.

Esme smiled softly. “Hi”

“Hello”

“Busy?”

He placed his pen down. “Not at all”

“We haven’t had a chance to talk. Properly”

“A lot has happened”

Esme laughed dryly.

Carlisle’s face suddenly creased.

“When we were hunting the other day, I could have lost you Es”

“But you didn’t. I’m here”

“losing you like that, after the way things were, I couldn’t –“

Esme reached out to take his hand, speaking more forcefully this time “But you didn’t”

Carlisle sighed, running his hand through his hair

“The past couple of weeks…I’ve been a poor excuse for a husband”

Esme raised an eyebrow. “Just catching on, are you?”

“Sweetheart I’m so sorry…can you forgive me?”

Esme let a smile creep onto her face. “I wasn’t exactly the best wife, so I think were even”

Carlisle laughed, the first proper laugh she had heard in weeks before standing and pulling her into a hug.

He held her tight against his chest, her words muffled into his jumper

“I’m sorry too…we’ve never argued like that”

“No, we haven’t”

“I hated it”

“Me too”

Carlisle loosened the hug, lifting her cheek to face him.

“I love you”

“I love you too” Esme smiled, kissing him gently.

Carlisle smiled into the kiss, before breaking away.

“You never answered my question”

Esme was still slightly dazed by their kiss, the first one in weeks. “Hmm?”

“Can you forgive me?”

“Hm…I just don’t know” Esme tried to stifle her smile, failing miserably. “You might have to make it up to me”

“And however will I do that?” Carlisle’s voice dropped an octave, making her shudder

“Oh I think I can come up with few ideas” Esme laughed, pushing him gently against the edge of the desk, fingers weaving through his hair, moving to kiss him again.


End file.
